


Down Goes Another One

by wicciangirl



Series: I Want You [2]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-11 00:22:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1166376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wicciangirl/pseuds/wicciangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kris’s life without Adam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Down Goes Another One

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the song by the same name by McFly.  
> Disclaimer: I know none of these people, nor do I own them, they own themselves. This story is completely fictional.

Kris ignored the disapproving looks being aimed his way as he made his way through the swathes of people, all there for his big album launch party but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He hadn’t cared about anything in a year but no one seemed to understand. He could see it in their eyes when they looked at him, they all assumed he was insane or just being melodramatic, even his family. Kris looked down at his shot glass and wondered how many it would take this time to send him into oblivion.

“Kris, don’t think you’ve had enough?” Katy asked gently as she walked up to the swaying man.

Kris snarled, “Just leave me alone, Katy. You destroyed the only thing good in my life. I can’t even bear to look at you. Get away from me before I hit you.”

Turning back to the bar, Kris picked up another drink and downed it in one. He hoped as always that he would be able to sleep once he got home. Just for once, he would like to sleep without being torn to pieces but he hadn’t slept properly for over a year and he didn’t see it changing any time soon.

Memories of a year ago filled his head, he and Adam running in from the rain with newspapers covering their heads to keep them dry since Adam would pout if his hair was messed up. Then they were in the bedroom, making love and Adam was inside him, it was perfect. Two hours later Katy phoned and destroyed everything with one simple sentence.

“Kris, I'm pregnant with your child.”

Adam had turned to him with such a look of despair, betrayal and anger that Kris was rendered speechless. They had argued and Adam had practically thrown him out of the house.

 “Hey, Kris. How are you?”

Jolted out of his memories Kris mustered up an unconvincing grin saying, “I'm doing okay, Alison. How’s your new album coming along?”

“It’s going well, I should have it out in the next month but I probably won’t have as big a launch party as you. Why are you over here moping?”

“I'm just not in the party spirit. I'm going home, I feel a little sick.” Kris said quickly.

Alison studied Kris, taking in the clear signs of depression and drunkenness, deciding quickly that he was probably right. Kris couldn’t stay at the party in his current state, he would probably end up in trouble. She nodded in understanding and watched as he unsteadily made his way across the room.

Kris told his manager to apologise to everyone and that he was leaving because of food poisoning. He knew no one would fall for that story but he couldn’t find it in himself to care about some stupid industry hotshots.

*******

Kris was sitting inside his bedroom, staring at the candid picture of he and Adam lying on a couch taken by Brad fifteen months ago. Looking at the picture, he could see how happy they had been, how much they had been looking forward to a life together.  

Kris was fighting off sleep, unable to cope with another night of dreaming about Adam only to wake up to a life without him. Sleep was now something to be avoided at all costs, if he wanted to remain relatively sane.

Kris was could not stop thinking about Adam, he dominated every moment of Kris’s life. He still found himself expecting to turn around and find Adam there beside him with his snarky quips and beautiful smile. For the last year Kris had gone over everything he and Adam had said that day, trying to find the hidden meaning in Adam’s words, something that he missed that could have warned him what was going to happen.

In his dreams Kris could almost smell Adam’s distinctive scent on his sheets, feel Adam moving against him. He could hear Adam saying that he loved him and they would always be together. Kris never wanted to wake up from his beautiful dream world.

“Why Adam? WHY!” Kris screamed in pain as he walked over to the closet and pulled out a black t-shirt.

Walking back to his bed, Kris placed it on the pillow next to him and lay down, breathing in the faint scent of Adam. Kris knew his body was close to surrendering to sleep and moved quickly to hug Adam’s t-shirt.

\---Dream---

Kris was desperate to speak to Adam, he had called over and over again leaving messages begging for his love to talk to him.  He hadn’t slept all night, instead he had been thinking about Adam and how to explain to him that Katy was lying, he hadn’t slept with her for over sixteen months and if she was pregnant, he would have known about it by now. He could understand Adam’s fear based reaction, since his love once said he could never compete with Katy who could give Kris the white picket fence and children he wanted. Kris was angry that Katy could do this, that she would try to destroy his life.

Figuring the worst that could happen was that Adam would kick him out again, Kris decided to drive to their house hoping that they could talk about everything. Seeing Adam’s car, the man sighed in relief. Kris opened the door to their house, unnerved by the silence and stillness as he stepped inside. It was never quiet, Adam liked to have something on in the background be it music or the TV.

“Adam! Where are you, love?” Kris shouted in alarm.

Getting no answer, Kris ran upstairs to their bedroom unable to silence the thought that something terrible had happened. Kris flung open the bedroom door and screamed out in denial. His Adam was lying on the bed, white and unmoving surrounded by empty pillboxes.

Kris put a shaking hand to Adam’s neck, unable to find a pulse, he couldn’t feel Adam’s heart beating beneath his skin. He ignored how cold and waxy Adam’s skin was, any second Adam was going to open his beautiful eyes. This wasn’t really happening, it was just some terrible nightmare.

The next thing Kris knows the room is swarming with people and someone says Adam is dead. His Adam is gone. The noise around him disappeared as he watched someone going to put Adam into a black plastic bag...a body bag.

“No, you’re not taking him!” Kris screamed in denial and started to move forward only to be restrained by police officers.

Detective Kline said calmly, “Nothing is going to happen to his body, Mr Allen.”

Glaring at the detective Kris asked, “Where are they taking him?”

“Downtown to the morgue. Now, Mr Allen, can you tell me what happened?”

Looking at the detective Kris answered, “We argued yesterday. I...I came home to talk, to explain that what Katy said wasn’t true. It was just too quiet, Adam doesn’t like the silence. I called out to him and he didn’t answer. I came up here and he was just lying there...not moving...pale. I went over to him and I could tell he wasn’t there.”

Kris’s attention was drawn to the dresser, there was an envelope underneath Adam’s favourite necklace. Ignoring the detective still questioning him, Kris walked to the dresser and picked up the envelope seeing his name in Adam’s distinctive script. Kris opened the letter and started reading, ignoring the tears falling down his face and onto the paper.

My beautiful Kris,

I love you. The eleven months and two weeks we’ve had together have been the best of my life. You are the only one I have ever loved and I think you know that.

Baby, I want you to be happy with your new family. Katy will give you the white picket fence and the two children you’ve always wanted. I know you Kris...you will go back to her now. I know you will move in with her so that you can be there every step of the way. You will forget about me when you see the life and family she is giving you.

The life everyone expected you to have...a life your friends and family will all approve of. A life that I could never be a part of no matter how much I try. Even if she made herself pregnant with some of your sperm she had on ice, Katy is still having your child.

Kris, I love you with everything I am but life is too painful without you. You are my reason for existing and without you life is meaningless. Don’t hate me Kris but I can’t do this...I can’t live without you.

Until we meet again, my love.

Adam.

One thought reverberated in Kris’s head, Katy had done this. She had stolen away his love, she had destroyed Adam with her lies. She would pay one way or another he would ruin her even if it took the rest of his life.

Kris woke up screaming Adam’s name as he had every night since Adam had killed himself. Kris had accepted it was partly his fault, he shouldn’t have left, if he had stayed then they could have talked about everything. He would have made Adam see that nothing would make him leave.

He wasn’t sure of it was Adam’s spirit or his own guilt that haunted his every moment but it didn’t matter. All that mattered to him was that one day he would be with Adam again, until then he would try to numb the pain. He had to go on as Adam had asked, even if he had no chance of being happy without Adam, the centre of his world. Kris reached to the bedside table and took a long swig of the bottle of vodka hoping to forget for just a couple of hours.

The End


End file.
